now i know why i became what i already was.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
