I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
