Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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