We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
