Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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