My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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