Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
