Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
