We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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