This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
false alarm. still invincible.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
