Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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