ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
