There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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