I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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