He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
