there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
