i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
