at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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