i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
