The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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