Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
