I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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