pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
