I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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