i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
