i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
