this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
