Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
