Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
worst night to have a conscience
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
