that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
