apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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