The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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