So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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