Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
