We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
