I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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