you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
