hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
