She is in my trunk
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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