You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
