got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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