The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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