My brain says no but my pants say off.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
