what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have fence marks all over my body
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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