5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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