mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The power of my boobs compel you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
