I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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