I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
