Already got asked if we're dating
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
