Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
