I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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